Category: Goal setting

Unlocking Self-Leadership Success: Mastering Discipline and Accountability

  How do you lead the toughest person in the room?

At every leadership webinar, I pose a paradox: Who is the toughest person in the room to lead? The answer, to everyone’s surprise, is ‘You.’ It’s a unique challenge we all face, leading ourselves.  

Yes, you are the toughest person to lead in this room! It’s a struggle we all share. The person I have the most difficult time leading is myself. This is a full-time job. I have to motivate myself. I have to discipline myself. I must protect my integrity. The list is endless. But remember, you’re not alone in this. We’re all in this together.

Why is it this way? According to my mentor, John Maxwell, there are two reasons:

(1) We don’t see ourselves as we see others.

(2) We are harder on others than we are on ourselves.

It’s a common trait of human nature that equips us with the ability to size up everyone in the world except ourselves. It is remarkable how most people, including managers, supervisors, and team leaders, lack self-awareness. They always have the magic bullet for how to fix others, but they lack a realistic perspective of who they are. This is a common struggle, not a personal failing. But with self-awareness, we can overcome this blind spot and lead ourselves more effectively.  

John Maxwell says, “We tend to judge others according to their actions. It’s very cut and dried.”

However, we judge ourselves by our intentions. Therefore, even when we visibly fall short of our team or organizational goals and/or mission, and it was a lack of leadership or judgment, we tend to let ourselves off the hook because our motives were good.

So how do you lead yourself well? That is a great question. Here are a few action steps. 

(1) Self-discipline is the cornerstone of self-leadership. It’s the key to achieving your goals and maintaining your integrity. Develop it, nurture it, and let it guide your actions.

One day, Frederick the Great of Prussia was walking on the outskirts of Berlin when he encountered a very old man walking ramrod straight in the opposite direction. “Who are you?” Frederick asked his subject. “I am a king,” replied the old man.

“A king!” laughed Frederick. “Over what kingdom do you reign?”

“Over myself,” was the proud old man’s reply.

Discipline is simply giving ourselves a command and following it through. Self-discipline is the highest form of leadership. You are the captain of your ship, the master of your soul. Leading yourself is a challenge, and one of the places where your character shows up is how you lead yourself. Honestly, there are days when I want to take a break from keeping myself under control. The problem is it is not wise to take any day off.

This leads me to the second action you can take to lead yourself well.

(2) Seek accountability. Personal and professional accountability is imperative because we all have a human nature that will lead us astray.

It was once said, “People who lead themselves well know a secret: they can’t trust themselves.” The problem comes when you selfishly think you are untouchable and learn how quickly poor choices can touch you. Unfortunately, we see this behavior now in our society; people don’t want to take responsibility or accountability.

As a young leader in the military, from time to time, my peers and I would get emails sent out by our commander for mandatory training “immediately.”  Well, your whole day is interrupted. I would say to myself, “What happened now?” Later, as all my peers would learn, another one of the men or women we worked with had to be removed from their leadership duties because they failed to lead themselves and others. They resulted in hurting others as well as themselves. 

(3) Do you have an accountability partner or peer group? Empowering others to keep you accountable keeps you in line.  

I know for myself that just being aware of an upcoming session with my peer group allowed me to avoid making poor decisions. At each session, we had a list of agreed-upon questions that others could ask. Only you knew if those answers to the questions were true or not. Taking responsibility for our own actions was paramount to our success.

We are responsible for others’ and our own actions. Leading people is earned, not a given right!

(4) Lastly, Be Patient—with yourself.

Thomas Watson said it aptly: “Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” People who cut corners are often categorized as impatient and lacking in self-discipline. However, if you follow through, you can achieve a breakthrough.

If you want to gain influence with people, solve problems. How you act or fail to act in those moments reveals to others just what our leadership competencies are.

Facing a personal failure. Taking a stand on an issue. Experiencing suffering or making an unpleasant choice—all these and more, when handled rightly, will either catapult us forward or eliminate our effectiveness. 

So, when asked, “How do you lead the toughest person in the room?”  You will have no problem answering that question.

Interested in mastering the art of self-leadership? Share your journey with us! What strategies have you implemented to overcome self-discipline challenges, and how has accountability impacted your personal and professional growth? Join the conversation using #SelfLeadershipJourney and inspire others by sharing your success stories, challenges, and insights on leading the toughest person in the room – yourself.

Dr. D

http://dcdardentalk.com

#LeadByExample #SelfLeadership #AccountabilityMatters #DisciplineIsFreedom #MasteringSelf #LeadershipChallenge #PersonalGrowthJourney #EmpowermentThroughAccountability #LeadershipSkills #BeYourOwnLeader #InfluenceThroughAction #LeadershipMindset

Think Like a Leaders: Sharpen Your Skills And Unlock Your Leadership Potential (Book Summary)

“Think Like a Leader” by Dr. Derrick Darden is a book that offers helpful advice and insights to help readers succeed in today’s busy workplace. Dr. Darden emphasizes the importance of attitude in overcoming mental barriers, building confidence, and seeing problems as opportunities for personal growth. Instead of relying solely on strategies, he aims to establish relationships with his readers and inspire them to achieve their full potential. By accepting challenges and believing in oneself, individuals can embark on a transformative path to reach their professional goals. They can use their strengths to navigate the challenging employment landscape.

One way leaders can help people develop their leadership skills is through self-awareness. Awareness of one’s emotions and personality allows individuals to identify strengths, weaknesses, values, and preferences. The S.M.A.R.T. model can also help with goal setting and provide direction and purpose. This leads to self-management, which improves communication, accountability, and conflict-resolution skills – all essential qualities for a leader.

Once leaders have established a strong foundation in the workplace, they should focus on maximizing growth and potential. Leaders can achieve this by finding the right environment and niche. This can be compared to a plant that can only grow in a suitable environment with good nutrition and air quality. Therefore, individuals should adjust their environment to change their circumstances and grow to their fullest potential.

Leaders should also be prepared to navigate workplace challenges using strategies such as effective communication, improving emotional intelligence, and changing their mindset. Leaders who are confident in facing conflicts create an environment where people can learn from and correct each other. Additionally, leaders should ensure that all employees share the same goals and objectives.

One of the key lessons from the book is that leaders should focus on personal development, which leads to growth. They should continue to develop their skills and knowledge to become better leaders, understand the people around them, improve communication, appreciate diversity, and build meaningful connections.

So, embrace the wisdom within “Think Like a Leader” and unlock your full potential in today’s competitive workplace. Available on Amazon eBooks

Dr. D

The Carolyle Destiny Group
https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup
#growthmindset #growthanddevelopment #personalgrowthanddevelopment #leadershipdevelopment #leadership #thecarolyledestinygroup

Breaking Free from the Grasshopper Mentality: Empowering Mindset Shifts for Success

How people think can be compared to the behavior of a trapped grasshopper. 
If you put a grasshopper in a jar with a lid over it, it will try to escape by using its powerful legs to smash the jar’s walls. At first, the grasshopper will appear persistent and determined to change its situation. However, after repeatedly trying and failing to escape, the grasshopper will eventually give up and stop trying. Even if you remove the lid, the grasshopper will not
attempt to escape because it has learned that its situation will never change.
This behavior is called the “grasshopper mentality.”

People with a grasshopper mentality have a negative attitude that prevents them from achieving their goals. They see themselves as inferior to others and believe they are incapable of success. They are afraid of taking risks or trying new things.

This mentality is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that you are not capable of success, then you are less likely to try and more likely to fail. On the other hand, if you believe in yourself and your abilities, you are more likely to try and succeed. And I have to put myself in this scenario, also.

We all must change our mindset and take small steps to overcome the grasshopper mentality. We consistently need to surround ourselves with positive people who believe in us and be willing to work hard. Discarding mental roadblocks and accepting, responding, and adapting to change is also essential.
Remember, we may limit ourselves, not our circumstances in life.

So, if you are struggling with the grasshopper mentality, don’t give up. Keep believing in yourself and keep taking steps forward. The Grasshopper Mentality is something you can learn from. If you trap a grasshopper in a jar with a lid, it will use its legs to try and escape. Over time, it will give up
and stop trying to escape – even if you remove the lid. The grasshopper has become convinced that it will never be able to escape and has settled for its new life. This reminds me of people that I see every day who settle for what life throws at them. This mentality is harmful, and it stops the partakers from
achieving their goals. Those who participate in this mental behavior often see themselves as inferior to others and believe they are incapable of success. They may also be afraid of taking risks or trying new things.

The grasshopper mentality is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe that you are not capable of success, then you are less likely to try and more likely to fail. On the other hand, if you believe that you are capable of success, then you are more likely to try and more likely to succeed. Sounds simple, it
can be.

To overcome the grasshopper mentality, you need to change your mindset.  Self-affirmation and positive thinking can help you do this. You need to believe in yourselves and your abilities. Take small steps and surround yourself with positive people who believe in you. It’s essential to accept, respond, and adapt to change because you will get stuck, stagnant, or dormant if you don’t. You are in the same position without knowing our true potential.
Let go of these mental roadblocks that will limit you, and remember that you may limit yourself, not your circumstances in life.

If you are struggling with the grasshopper mentality, don’t give up. Keep believing in yourself and keep taking steps forward.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Dr. D

The Carolyle Destiny Group
https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup
#growthmindset #growthanddevelopment #personalgrowthanddevelopment #leadershipdevelopment #leadership #thecarolyledestinygroup

Unlock Your Path to Success: A Call to Action for Young Professionals

Are you a young professional looking to achieve success in your career? Are you tired of feeling lost and unsure of the steps to take? It’s time to take control of your destiny and start implementing a plan today.

Here’s what you need to do:

1. Plan: Take the first step towards success by creating a detailed plan. Think about your goals and break them down into actionable steps. Laying out a roadmap will help you stay focused and organized on your journey.

2. Prepare: Once you have your plan in place, it’s time to put it into action. Visualize yourself successfully executing each step. This mindset will boost your confidence and motivation. Remember, preparation is the key to achieving success.

3. Practice: Success doesn’t come overnight; it requires consistent effort and practice. Just like Nelson Mandela, who practiced his plans for freedom while in jail, you need to consistently work on honing your skills and improving yourself. Keep practicing until you achieve your goals.

4. Be Resourceful: Learn to make the most of the resources at your disposal. Don’t let limited funds or opportunities hold you back. Think outside the box and find innovative ways to make progress. Focus on what you have and make the most of it.

5. Be Persistent: Persistence is the magic ingredient that separates successful individuals from the rest. Embrace failure as a stepping stone to success, just like Thomas Edison did with his light bulb invention. Keep trying, even when things get tough. It’s through persistence that you’ll achieve your dreams.

6. Give Back: True success is not just about personal accomplishments; it’s about giving back to others as well. When you’ve accomplished your goals, find ways to help and serve others. Giving back not only benefits those around you, but it also brings fulfillment and joy into your own life.

Remember, success is not measured by material possessions. It’s about having a plan, executing it consistently, and enjoying the journey. Take action now by writing out your own growth plan or consider joining a mastermind class to help you along the way. As Jim Rohn said, success is not something you pursue, but something you attract by becoming the best version of yourself.

Start today. Your destiny depends on the habits you cultivate. Don’t wait for tomorrow; start shaping your future now.

Dr. D

The Carolyle Destiny Group
https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup
#growthmindset #growthanddevelopment #personalgrowthanddevelopment #leadershipdevelopment #leadership #thecarolyledestinygroup

My Story Behind Personal Growth/Development

                                        

Day and night, I saw the harms of drugs and gang violence. We could see the anguish on my mother’s face every day. Eventually, she succumbed to depression. We never could understand why we were staying at my grandmother’s house so much. In my book “The Enemy in the Bush”, there’s a picture of us sad-faced kids at my grandmother’s house. We had no idea what was going on in our mother’s life. But as we grew older, we did.

Mom always wanted to be a teacher when she migrated to the North. I remember her telling me when I was a child. But the reality of life stole her dreams, goals, and aspirations and she never realized her true potential. Instead, she became the head of the house, separated from my father, who was fighting his demon of alcoholism. My mother raised a total of 10 kids. When I reached the age of 11, my three older brothers moved out of the house. Seven of us, ranging from 4 through 11, remained at home. Seven children living in a three-bedroom apartment in an impoverished neighborhood. This was my reality.

As a boy, I saw my mother struggle and sacrifice just to put food on the table. Sometimes, I would hear her argue with God about the hardships she faced. Her many prayers went up to heaven to ask God to help us make it through another day. As a child, I had few of the comforts enjoyed by others who lived in the suburbs. We had lots of love, but little in the way of material things. 

My mother died without realizing her dream to be a teacher. She died with her dream still inside of her.  I made her dream a reality by becoming an adjunct professor for 10 years. Despite lacking the resources, we needed to meet our basic needs of her family, we survived. But my mother never realized her true potential and purpose in this life. I often wondered when I was older why my mother hadn’t pursued her dream. Perhaps fear and self-doubt held her back. I remember how my siblings and I made a pact never to follow our mother’s path. When I questioned the WHY behind our decision, I knew it boiled down to the struggles, hardships, and pain we saw her go through. Seven of us made this covenant, but only two of us had successful careers and made positive lifestyle changes. My sister Mary became a successful certified social worker/ supervisor working in hospitals and is moving towards private practice. I finished a successful military career as a senior ranking officer and continued as a DoD civilian working complex mission-oriented jobs for our government. I also became an adjunct professor, author, and contributing academic author. Now I’m a certified John Maxwell coach, trainer, and speaker.   

If you examine our lives, we knew where we were and had our eyes on where we wanted to go. We had a definite plan to get there. Living in impoverished conditions gave us the motivation to never lack for anything again. We wanted to be able to sustain ourselves. We were intentional about reaching our goals and never looked back. We were purpose driven. We had a direction, a destiny to reach. When we looked back, we celebrated how much we had grown.

Psychologist Charles Garfield has worked with many successful people including astronauts, world-class athletes, scientists, business leaders, and other high achievers. He believes that the success of any endeavor starts with having a mission. You must have specific goals accompanied by a strong desire. “A dream becomes a goal,” said Garfield. “The goal becomes the achievement.” I repeat this saying often. Achievers reach their dreams by being intentional in their actions, which means working with purpose and making every action count. It’s about focusing on doing the right thing, moment by moment, day by day, and then following through consistently. Successful people aren’t scattered and haphazard. As Zig Ziglar said, be an aiming specific, not a wandering generality.

Never stop improving. Never stop growing yourself. 

How intentional are you? As you proceed through your day, do you have a plan and a purpose for everything you do? Do you know where you’re going and why you’re doing what you’re doing, or simply drifting down the stream of life?

In the theme song from the motion picture Mahogany, Diana Ross brings this message home:

“Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showin’ you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?”

             By Dr. D

http://thecarolyledestinygroup.one

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