Category: Goal setting

My Story Behind Personal Growth/Development

                                        

Day and night, I saw the harms of drugs and gang violence. We could see the anguish on my mother’s face every day. Eventually, she succumbed to depression. We never could understand why we were staying at my grandmother’s house so much. In my book “The Enemy in the Bush”, there’s a picture of us sad-faced kids at my grandmother’s house. We had no idea what was going on in our mother’s life. But as we grew older, we did.

Mom always wanted to be a teacher when she migrated to the North. I remember her telling me when I was a child. But the reality of life stole her dreams, goals, and aspirations and she never realized her true potential. Instead, she became the head of the house, separated from my father, who was fighting his demon of alcoholism. My mother raised a total of 10 kids. When I reached the age of 11, my three older brothers moved out of the house. Seven of us, ranging from 4 through 11, remained at home. Seven children living in a three-bedroom apartment in an impoverished neighborhood. This was my reality.

As a boy, I saw my mother struggle and sacrifice just to put food on the table. Sometimes, I would hear her argue with God about the hardships she faced. Her many prayers went up to heaven to ask God to help us make it through another day. As a child, I had few of the comforts enjoyed by others who lived in the suburbs. We had lots of love, but little in the way of material things. 

My mother died without realizing her dream to be a teacher. She died with her dream still inside of her.  I made her dream a reality by becoming an adjunct professor for 10 years. Despite lacking the resources, we needed to meet our basic needs of her family, we survived. But my mother never realized her true potential and purpose in this life. I often wondered when I was older why my mother hadn’t pursued her dream. Perhaps fear and self-doubt held her back. I remember how my siblings and I made a pact never to follow our mother’s path. When I questioned the WHY behind our decision, I knew it boiled down to the struggles, hardships, and pain we saw her go through. Seven of us made this covenant, but only two of us had successful careers and made positive lifestyle changes. My sister Mary became a successful certified social worker/ supervisor working in hospitals and is moving towards private practice. I finished a successful military career as a senior ranking officer and continued as a DoD civilian working complex mission-oriented jobs for our government. I also became an adjunct professor, author, and contributing academic author. Now I’m a certified John Maxwell coach, trainer, and speaker.   

If you examine our lives, we knew where we were and had our eyes on where we wanted to go. We had a definite plan to get there. Living in impoverished conditions gave us the motivation to never lack for anything again. We wanted to be able to sustain ourselves. We were intentional about reaching our goals and never looked back. We were purpose driven. We had a direction, a destiny to reach. When we looked back, we celebrated how much we had grown.

Psychologist Charles Garfield has worked with many successful people including astronauts, world-class athletes, scientists, business leaders, and other high achievers. He believes that the success of any endeavor starts with having a mission. You must have specific goals accompanied by a strong desire. “A dream becomes a goal,” said Garfield. “The goal becomes the achievement.” I repeat this saying often. Achievers reach their dreams by being intentional in their actions, which means working with purpose and making every action count. It’s about focusing on doing the right thing, moment by moment, day by day, and then following through consistently. Successful people aren’t scattered and haphazard. As Zig Ziglar said, be an aiming specific, not a wandering generality.

Never stop improving. Never stop growing yourself. 

How intentional are you? As you proceed through your day, do you have a plan and a purpose for everything you do? Do you know where you’re going and why you’re doing what you’re doing, or simply drifting down the stream of life?

In the theme song from the motion picture Mahogany, Diana Ross brings this message home:

“Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showin’ you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?”

             By Dr. D

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Growth thrives in conducive surroundings

At some point, a person feels the need to evolve, to enter a new dimension of life.  Perhaps, to advance a skill, a new career, or develop their relationships with others. This requires growth to happen.  But for growth to happen, the person’s environment must change.

We all know how growth happens in plants. It starts with a seed that must be implanted into fertile soil full of nutrients to form roots. It also needs sunlight, air, and water, which, through the process of photosynthesis, helps the growing seed produce its own food source. In the right conditions, the seed begins to grow into a plant, and that plant grows to its full potential. If one of these elements are absent, the seed may never take root or achieve full growth. If you plant a seed in an environment where one of these elements is absent, growth is inhibited, and the seed’s full potential is never realized. The seed remains dormant.

That principle works the same in your life and mine. For growth to happen, your environment must be conducive to growth. It must have the right nutrients to stimulate growth. If you want to change your current situation or circumstances, you must change your present environment. To quote, John Maxwell, “Growth is the only guarantee that tomorrow is going to get better.”

In my two decades in the military. The stage was already set for growth opportunities, even though, I did not know at the time.  Every new assignment I went to, something was always wrong. Logistical processes were not in place, customers were unhappy for not getting their supplies on time. And the morale of the troops was down which, compounded the unhappy-customers problem. Sometimes I complained to my peers that I always got the most challenging assignments.  It was then that I recognized another of John’s principles: you must get out of your comfort zone to grow. When I finished the assignment, the logistical processes were far better than the previous ones, the morale within my area of responsibility was extremely high, and my customers were giving my operation rave reviews.

At first, I didn’t understand why I got the hard and challenging jobs. Later, I realized that the military, gave me the growth environment needed to recognize and grow to my potential.  As the saying goes, with each promotion comes more responsibility. I must have impressed my senior officers because they expected my performance to be top level. My performance in my military career led me to exponential growth, higher compensation, and bonuses. 

What does a growth environment look like for you?   

Remember, in order for a seed to grow, it needs the right soil, sunlight, air and water.   

Is your present environment helping you, and not holding you back?  Assess where you are right now!

  1. Are you in a place where others are ahead of you, or are you the go-to person? Are you the smartest one in the room? Then what and who is pouring into you? You are not getting the necessary nutrients for growth. If you are pouring everything you have into others, who is pouring into you?
  2. Are you challenged on a constant basis, if not find the right environment to grow in.

Lastly, leaders must create a growth environment within their organization or areas of influence.  Used these tips to build an organization with growth potential. 

  1. Set the bar high on proficiency, efficiency, and innovation.
  2. Give employees challenging work, nothing beneath them. And if they do not know how to do it, train them the right way first, then expect them to maintain the standard.
  3. Cultivate an affirming atmosphere. Nurture and nourish your people for growth.
  4. Model growth in front of them. Lead from the front, not the rear. I always say: “The most valuable gift I can give to others is a good example.” There is nothing more confusing than a person who gives good advice but sets a bad example. To quote (again) John Maxwell: “A pint of example is worth a gallon of advice.”

Remember, growth is the only guarantee that tomorrow will get better. If you don’t know whether your present environment is a growth environment, do an assessment and make changes.

The bottom line is that a growth environment aids in growth. It doesn’t hold you back.

Lastly, if you are a leader, you are responsible for helping others grow and creating an atmosphere of growth. Grow leaders, don’t just tell them what to do.

What are your comments?

See you at the top!

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Goal mindset versus growth mindset

I set a lot of goals for my life. Many of them I have hit the bull’s eye. Others I have fell short of the objective, and we have certain milestones or targets that we need to hit along the way in order to realize the goal. When you hit the target or goal, you feel good or ecstatic.

Earl Nightingale said it the best—that success is the realization of a worthy ideal.

But the problem with goal setting is our tendency not to see what’s next on our journey. Some would say, “Derrick, I have reached the peak of this mountain that I set for myself.” Sadly, many lose the drive, no stamina or no desire, and they stop at that point. It’s like you accomplished a small success, and then you  rest on that small success. You never move forward or beyond.

When you think about a growth conscious person, they continue beyond that goal and take on a different mindset. In fact, they want growth. You will continue growth, and you will hit all your goals when you look back on your journey five or ten years later. 

Man, that is a great feeling to move on to greater heights. You keep climbing the ladder until you reach heaven, and then you can stop. This reminds me of the song from the TV show, The Jeffersons, which is a part of my story, “We’re moving on up to the east side.” I remember in the early days when I was in my 20s. I had just started a family and had a new job, which was 20 miles away from home. I needed transportation, and I didn’t have a lot of money. Neither my mother nor my siblings had the money to lend me to buy a decent vehicle. I saw an ad in the local newspaper that a private owner had a 1970 Plymouth that was once a taxicab for sale. The private owner removed the decals and the taxi cab signs. But it still had the painted colors of the local taxicab company.

 On occasion I would get flagged down on the street by people wanting cab service. Many times I would stop to the anticipating customer and explain that my vehicle was privately owned, and they would have to call the local taxi cab company. Some would get really upset at me. This vehicle was always in the repair shop. Finally, I got tired of folks flagging me down and shoveling out wasted money for a beat-up vehicle, so I brought another used car, a Chevrolet Vega, which had an aluminum engine block. That car lasted a few months. The engine block cracked, and blue smoke traced my path down the local streets. I kept working through my trouble vehicles for three years when I bought a new Caravan off the showroom floor. That was a good feeling. However, I was in the military and serving my country and paying big monthly payments. Suze Orman taught me the lesson to stop using finance companies. But that took growth and hitting goal after goal after goal. During this time, I developed a growth plan for my life and started getting mentors in my life. Each mentor taught me growth principles that helped facilitate growth and maturity in my life. Looking back over my present journey, I see the growth, and the pain of growth. You may say that was great and proud of you. But I just don’t have the energy, knowledge, money, or time to plan for other growth challenges. 

John Maxwell said, “now is the best time to start anything.” Ask yourself, if not now WHEN? Growth is intentional, not accidental.

The real process of growth begins with your thoughts. Those thoughts become words, and the words become actions! James Allen, author of As a Man Thinketh, says, “You cannot travel within and stand still without.” Think about it. All life, except mankind, grows to its full potential. It’s only mankind that circumvents the process. For example, how tall will a tree grow? A tree doesn’t decide to stop growing. It continues growing all its life. 

So, I challenge you not to stop or do away with goal setting but go above and beyond goal setting and latch on to the growth mindset.

I love personal growth and development. And I think you will, too, once you start seeing a difference by applying what I have shared with you in this blog.

Derrick Darden, PhD