How do you lead the toughest person in the room?
At every leadership webinar, I pose a paradox: Who is the toughest person in the room to lead? The answer, to everyone’s surprise, is ‘You.’ It’s a unique challenge we all face, leading ourselves.
Yes, you are the toughest person to lead in this room! It’s a struggle we all share. The person I have the most difficult time leading is myself. This is a full-time job. I have to motivate myself. I have to discipline myself. I must protect my integrity. The list is endless. But remember, you’re not alone in this. We’re all in this together.
Why is it this way? According to my mentor, John Maxwell, there are two reasons:
(1) We don’t see ourselves as we see others.
(2) We are harder on others than we are on ourselves.
It’s a common trait of human nature that equips us with the ability to size up everyone in the world except ourselves. It is remarkable how most people, including managers, supervisors, and team leaders, lack self-awareness. They always have the magic bullet for how to fix others, but they lack a realistic perspective of who they are. This is a common struggle, not a personal failing. But with self-awareness, we can overcome this blind spot and lead ourselves more effectively.
John Maxwell says, “We tend to judge others according to their actions. It’s very cut and dried.”
However, we judge ourselves by our intentions. Therefore, even when we visibly fall short of our team or organizational goals and/or mission, and it was a lack of leadership or judgment, we tend to let ourselves off the hook because our motives were good.
So how do you lead yourself well? That is a great question. Here are a few action steps.
(1) Self-discipline is the cornerstone of self-leadership. It’s the key to achieving your goals and maintaining your integrity. Develop it, nurture it, and let it guide your actions.
One day, Frederick the Great of Prussia was walking on the outskirts of Berlin when he encountered a very old man walking ramrod straight in the opposite direction. “Who are you?” Frederick asked his subject. “I am a king,” replied the old man.
“A king!” laughed Frederick. “Over what kingdom do you reign?”
“Over myself,” was the proud old man’s reply.
Discipline is simply giving ourselves a command and following it through. Self-discipline is the highest form of leadership. You are the captain of your ship, the master of your soul. Leading yourself is a challenge, and one of the places where your character shows up is how you lead yourself. Honestly, there are days when I want to take a break from keeping myself under control. The problem is it is not wise to take any day off.
This leads me to the second action you can take to lead yourself well.
(2) Seek accountability. Personal and professional accountability is imperative because we all have a human nature that will lead us astray.
It was once said, “People who lead themselves well know a secret: they can’t trust themselves.” The problem comes when you selfishly think you are untouchable and learn how quickly poor choices can touch you. Unfortunately, we see this behavior now in our society; people don’t want to take responsibility or accountability.
As a young leader in the military, from time to time, my peers and I would get emails sent out by our commander for mandatory training “immediately.” Well, your whole day is interrupted. I would say to myself, “What happened now?” Later, as all my peers would learn, another one of the men or women we worked with had to be removed from their leadership duties because they failed to lead themselves and others. They resulted in hurting others as well as themselves.
(3) Do you have an accountability partner or peer group? Empowering others to keep you accountable keeps you in line.
I know for myself that just being aware of an upcoming session with my peer group allowed me to avoid making poor decisions. At each session, we had a list of agreed-upon questions that others could ask. Only you knew if those answers to the questions were true or not. Taking responsibility for our own actions was paramount to our success.
We are responsible for others’ and our own actions. Leading people is earned, not a given right!
(4) Lastly, Be Patient—with yourself.
Thomas Watson said it aptly: “Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” People who cut corners are often categorized as impatient and lacking in self-discipline. However, if you follow through, you can achieve a breakthrough.
If you want to gain influence with people, solve problems. How you act or fail to act in those moments reveals to others just what our leadership competencies are.
Facing a personal failure. Taking a stand on an issue. Experiencing suffering or making an unpleasant choice—all these and more, when handled rightly, will either catapult us forward or eliminate our effectiveness.
So, when asked, “How do you lead the toughest person in the room?” You will have no problem answering that question.
Interested in mastering the art of self-leadership? Share your journey with us! What strategies have you implemented to overcome self-discipline challenges, and how has accountability impacted your personal and professional growth? Join the conversation using #SelfLeadershipJourney and inspire others by sharing your success stories, challenges, and insights on leading the toughest person in the room – yourself.
Dr. D
#LeadByExample #SelfLeadership #AccountabilityMatters #DisciplineIsFreedom #MasteringSelf #LeadershipChallenge #PersonalGrowthJourney #EmpowermentThroughAccountability #LeadershipSkills #BeYourOwnLeader #InfluenceThroughAction #LeadershipMindset
