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Distract the Distractive Critic in the workplace

  • Aikido Style

One of the most frustrating experiences at work is having a boss or coworker who gives negative critical comment regarding your work. When there is a consistent barrage of negative criticism, it negatively impacts your self-esteem, feelings, and performance of your day-to-day task. As a matter of fact, it is somewhat common for those that are placed under daily destructive criticism to encounter clinical depression.

The non-necessities: Overlooking his or her comments, moving your desks, and/or expressing your displeasure; are all the non-necessities.

Another strategy that is very effective is similar to the aikido expert who makes use of the power of an opponent and adopts the reverse leverage to conquer him.

When you are being criticized by the distractive critic,rather than attempting to stop him from criticizing you, try to encourage him todo so productively.��

There was a story told by a well-known commercial interior designer. The story was concerning his coworker who usually gives him negative feedback regarding the way the static displays are presented in the office showroom.  His co-worker criticizes, that the colors schemes are poorly combined, in other cases, the layouts of furniture and wall decoration look crowded, and it appears lousy.  So the criticized interior designer thought about his goals and how the critic (co-worker) should proceed to criticize his work in a productive manner.   

The next time the coworker began with the critical comments, he responded with the question, “How can he get it done better?”

This is a response that accurately indicates how criticism communication can be effectively diminished to a sentence. This is what usually happens. If negative criticism tells you, “you are winning.” Now, on the flip side, if the response is: “I do not have an idea,” what you should do is to clarify, “I’m trying my best”. Continue to say “I would be grateful if you do not tell me your criticism anymore unless it’s productive criticism.”  This implies to the coworker not to criticize you, but instead, you are only requesting the manner at which you are being criticized.  It must be productive and not destructive!!! If this doesn’t work, set up a meeting with your immediate supervisor.

In dealing with the boss, use a different strategy, make arequest from your boss to give you some time, so he can productively assess youin your areas of responsibilities.  Iremember the Mayor of New York City, Mayor Koch, he used to ask hisconstituents, “How am I doing?” The framework for your boss should be as such,“How am I doing?” Let him know the area you want him to improve in, and let himtell you how to improve them. Lay emphasis on the fact that you want to be agood employee that adds value to the organization.  If this meeting is successful, express yourappreciation and let him feel how much you benefited from his attention, andtry to get some search sessions consistently, irrespective of how inconsistent,and never forget to execute any valid criticism he poses. Actually, you’ve justtaught your boss how the power of positive criticism can be obtained. This is awin-win case!  Weisinger, H/ Triple D

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What are some practical steps that leaders can take to empower their team or employees and develop a high-performance workplace?

 

 

The practical steps to increase employee empowerment often involve organizational programs as well as the individual leader’s actions with direct subordinates. A variety of different empowerment programs have been used, including self-managed teams, democratic structures and processes, and employee ownership of the company. A leader could follow the more detailed practical guidelines and devise effective action plans to empower others for achieving a high-performance workplace.
Take for example an organization that consists of 60 staff members and these members are divided into 6 functional working teams. Listed below are some key steps that an organization leader may take to empower their working teams or empower the workplace. Continue reading What are some practical steps that leaders can take to empower their team or employees and develop a high-performance workplace?

How to defeat the grasshopper and elephant mentality in the workplace and in life?

You know, we can learn a valuable lesson from the grasshopper, the elephant and the way people think. Here’s why. If you want to keep a grasshopper for a pet, then all you need to do is to trap that grasshopper in a jar with a lid over it. And just like many of us, an imprisoned grasshopper will try desperately to escape using his powerful legs to smash the wall of resistance in search of freedom time and time again. At the outset, that grasshopper looked very persistent and determined to change its situation. And it would try to try again without any luck of breaking itself free. Then something happens, the grasshopper stops, the persistence of escaping stops. At this point, we all know that the grasshopper will never try to escape by jumping out of the jar with the lid. At the moment, you can take the lid off, and your (pet) grasshopper will not escape because once the grasshopper has learned that its situation did not change time after time no matter what it did in the past, its convinced that it will never change in the future. And it will settle upon its new life with no desire to reach beyond that comfort zone.
Many of us know about how elephant trainers teach elephants to stay in place. They get the baby elephant and lock a strong chain around its ankle and just as the grasshopper the baby elephant will pull and tug until it stops. And even once the elephant grows into an adult, it does not change in its beliefs. The trainer could tie a thin rope around the same ankle of the elephant, and it would not try to break away.
So there are similar parallels here in this simple life lesson between the grasshopper, the elephant, and people who have given up and have adopted the same mentality as the grasshopper and elephant—becoming comfortable and complacent with no sense of going on even if success is within reach. Mentally this person sees it as unreachable and unobtainable—it’s too hard they may say. There are many problems with the grasshopper and elephant mentality when adopted by an individual, a group, or even an industry such as:
 The individual sees themselves as not having the ability to fit in with peers or able to leverage newer technologies.
 They may prematurely size up the situation or competition and determine and perhaps talk themselves out of becoming successful by telling themselves: “I’m too old,” “I don’t have enough resources,” “I don’t have enough experience,” “I don’t want to get involved” or maybe “I was born on the wrong side of the tracks.” We all know the song, but we keep singing it.

The game of chess is another example that is comparable to the game of our life. If you want to be successful, it’s how you play the game. Chess is a game of change and adaptation. You have specific rules that players must follow in order to set up the game board. You have rules on how and in what direction the chess pieces must move on the board. Then you have rules on how to capture a chess piece, and finally how to win the game. Even though in chess there are rules to the game and one must follow them; no one plays the game the same because there are millions of ways to win and millions of ways to lose, but the outcome depends on the interactive interaction process between the two players. So similarly there are rules that govern change, and there are rules of adaptation to the change, but there is no one way that a person must take that leads to the path of success. Why? Because everyone is different, no two people are alike even if they were identical twins. Change and adaptation depend on the person’s mindset be it positive or negative. It canalso depend on that person’s biological makeup and the psychological makeup and/or the environment in which they dwell in. That’s why when talking about what situation will best promote efficiency in the workplace, it is best to think about what will specifically lead to increased proficiency and productivity of the individual employee. The environment for one thing or the workplace culture can help to improve efficiency. So, to avoid the grasshopper and elephant mentality as a human being, you must be able to accept, respond, and adapt to change because if not you will be stuck in that position not knowing the ability within you that is greater than the external forces. Discard your mental blockages because it will only lead to regression, limitations, stagnation, and ultimately a failure in reaching your goals. Remember you may limit yourself not your circumstances in life.
Permission only granted by Derrick Darden, PhD

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Reference:
Amen, D.(1992). Don’t Shoot Yourself in the foot ( A Program to end self-defeating behavior forever), Warner books, 1271 Avenue of the Americas, NY 10020

Ghosting in the workplace

When I first heard the term ghosting, I related it to ghosts in a haunted house or scary events at Halloween or heaven forbid, I got lost in a field on the way home and was at the mercy of some supernatural being. However, on researching this term in greater depth, I found it also relates to a tactic of avoidance in the dating game and in the workplace. My interest, of course, focused on the workplace, and I found some very interesting information, so, keep reading…

Ghosting in the workplace is very similar to giving someone the cold shoulder or avoiding them completely in a romantic relationship – except at work it applies to the boss or company for whom you work. Like the technique of avoidance in the courting game, where the one ghosted in the relationship may feel shafted or dumped, ghosting at work implies a similar situation: an employee snubs his employer either through avoidance or quitting completely. In dating, a person who is dumped feels lost and very reluctant to date someone else. In the workplace, an employee who ghosts the company or boss often leaves them mystified and powerless to do anything, especially if the employee quits suddenly and doesn’t return to work (Leary, M.R., Haupt, A.L., Strausser, K.S., Chokel JT, 1998) .

The question why employees ghost in the workplace is one that has baffled employers everywhere, but one reason for this phenomenon is that the unemployment rate in the US is very low now, jobs are plentiful, and skilled labor is hard to find. So, if an employee gets a good job opportunity, he or she quits their previous job before joining a better place of employment and only informs the employer on the day they leave, which leads to an awkward situation for the employer or management. Ghosting can also be the result of dissatisfaction with a boss or company’s behavior and their attitude towards the employee. Formerly, it was the company or employer that ghosted employees or fired them because the employees could not adapt to a chaotic workplace. The employee would then be left trying to find employment. However, it is clear now that the tables have turned, and many employees are turning to alternative positions when things go awry at their workplace (Cynthia L. Pickett CL, Gardner WL, Knowles M, 2004) (Celestine Williams, Deborah South Richardson, Georgina S. Hammock, Adrian S. Janit, 2012).

Companies can implement a few strategies to discourage employees from ghosting

Give respect to employees. A friendly environment has to be created, and respect for your employee goes a long way. Respect the employees’ opinions, even if you don’t agree with them. This will ease stress or misconceptions about you, the employer, or manager.
The use of direct and indirect communication plays an important role. Maintaining consistency among employees or staff is an important and tough task. The employer has to consider all related aspects and paint a clear picture of the process or instructions to the employees. The employer should never mislead and never over promise and under deliver.

Lastly, the employer must consider the loss of productivity, loss of the required core skills, and loss of morale amongst remaining employees that result from ghosting.

Looking from another perspective

We can consider ghosting from the perspective that an employee wants to get a better opportunity in the labor market, but we must also realize it has an adverse impact on employees as well as employers. When an employee leaves a company without justification, everyone within the organization looks at company management to see how they handled the situation. It’s important not to leave a bad impression among those who remain with the company, or with the employee himself. My office gives everyone a plaque and wishes them well. Some employees have stayed for over 30 years. Remember that the job market is excellent and the unemployment rate is low; employees who leave our company maintain a good attitude towards everyone.

Derrick Darden, PhD (Triple D)

References:

Celestine Williams, Deborah South Richardson, Georgina S. Hammock, Adrian S. Janit. (2012, December). Perceptions of physical and psychological aggression in close relationships: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 17(6), 489-494. doi:10.1016/j.avb.2012.06.005

Cynthia L. Pickett CL, Gardner WL, Knowles M. (2004, Sptember 30). The need to belong and enhanced sensitivity to social clues. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30(9), 1095-1107. doi:10.1177/0146167203262085

Dewall CN, Macdonald G, Webster GD, Masten Cl, baumeister RF, Powell C, Combs D, Schurtz DR, Stillman TF, Tice DM, Eisenberger NI. (2010). Acetaminophen Reduces Social Pain: Behavioral and Neural Evidence. Psychological Science, 21, pp. 931-7. doi:10. 1177/0956797610374741

Ethan Kross, Marc G. Berman, Walter Mischel, Edward E. Smith, Tor D. Wager. (2011). Social Rejection shares somatosensory representations with physical pain. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS), (pp. 6270-6275). doi:10.1073/pnas.1102693108

Leary, M.R., Haupt, A.L., Strausser, K.S., Chokel JT. (1998). The relationship between interpersona appraisals and state self-esteem. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1290-9. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.74.5.1290

Don’t self-sabotage your own success (you have the seeds of greatness) in you!

 

 

 

What holds you back? What is keeping you from reaching your goals? So many of us are so close to having that breakthrough, but we self-sabotage the path that breaks a success. Perhaps fear rips our consciousness in a new relationship; we think of our self-worth as undervalued and marginalize our abilities. We lack the value and belief in ourselves, and we psychologically and sometimes physically self-sabotage our success from having that true break-through.

First, let us define the familiar word “success.” This word means different things to different people. Happiness, wealth, recognition, independence, friendship, achievement, and inner peace. Because we measure success differently, let’s say that it’s an individual thing. No matter what stage in life we are in, victory differs from person to person, even family to family, no matter what socioeconomic level someone may belong to.

    Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal. People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going. Whatever we plant in out subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will on day become a reality. (Earl Nightingale)

As we develop through life, success can be measured by different factors in an individual’s journey. For example, as a teenager, he or she feels successful when he or she gets a new car, has enough money to buy the latest fashion at the mall, or make the sports team in high school.

An individual in their thirties may have a different measure of success by having a house, a successful career path, or a family and kids. Or a 60-year-old may measure success by feeling and living a healthy life. As the old saying goes, “What’s one man success is another man’s failure.”

Success can begin at birth. A child can hear the voice of its mother’s aspirations and real ambitions in the womb. The child grows, and those subtle messages permeate the subconscious as those aspirations continue. As seeds of greatness are planted and watered, they become part of that child’s mental DNA as the mother nurtures and sow those seeds into the child’s life. The future looks bright for that child because of the principle that the sower sows the word belief. High will be that child’s success. Success can be in education, playing an instrument, or playing sports. Greater will be that child’s success because the real seeds of aspiration were sown and watered consistently.

Success can be incubated and displayed in unique and undefined ways. If you ever heard of the term “late bloomer,” no matter how and when those seeds of greatness manifest themselves, and then the flower blooms and gives off its fragrance to the world.

Again, you as an individual may define success differently and in your own unique way, but you must be fulfilled and accomplished. So, what is your definition of success? Be what you love, do something well, contribute something useful, and be yourself.

You decide…

Derrick C Darden, PhD