Tag: Leadership

Self-Discipline (A different perspective)

What’s at the core of achieving the good life? To start exploring this question, let’s look at what’s not at the core. The major key is not learning how to set goals, or managing your time. And it’s not mastering the fine art of leadership. Day by day, we try to find ways to improve ourselves by learning how to do new things. We spend a lifetime gathering knowledge in classrooms through textbooks and experiences. But if knowledge is power, then why do those who seek it sometimes fall short of their objective? Why, despite our quests for knowledge and experience, do we find ourselves aimlessly wandering, settling for mere existence rather than a life of substance?

Everyone has their own opinion, but, in my view, the answer is lack of discipline.

We need to put ourselves in front of that word discipline and call it self-discipline. Self-discipline is basically one’s ability to focus or act consistently to complete a task or attain a goal. It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are, or if you got the highest honors in school, or attended all the conferences and seminars of the great orators. Unless you apply what you’ve learned, you won’t get results. If you do apply your knowledge, eventually you will realize success. To quote Earl Nightingale: “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal or goal.”  The key word is here is “progressive”, which means you’re moving towards an objective.

So, self-discipline is better than knowledge. When you’re disciplined, it means you’re applying knowledge. Not only did you study to get results, but you’re also applying what you learned. I like to say that knowledge is like paint: you don’t see the difference unless you apply it.  

So, the key to having a good life and success is consistent self-discipline. Whether you want to be a good parent, have better relationships, or be an influential leader, if you lack consistent discipline, your results will be haphazard. You’ll be all over the place. Zig Ziglar said it best: “Don’t be a wandering generality, be an aiming specific.” Knowing what you want and bringing that to pass requires a change, either physically and/or mentally. Setting goals is not a catch-all, and time management technique is not the hallmark of mastery. Studying the Art of Leadership doesn’t bestow any honors upon you. 

However, if you act on the things you want to achieve day by day, your actions become habitual. That’s when you’ll see results.

Self-Discipline and leadership

Self-discipline is the highest form of leadership. You are the captain of your ship, the master of your own soul. Leading yourself is a challenge, and how well you do it is one way your character shows up. Honestly, there are days when I just want to take a break from keeping myself under control. The problem is, it’s unwise to take a day off.  

The bottom line: if you want to live the good life, follow Jim Rohn’s formula: “Success = Just a few acts of SELF-DISCIPLINE, practiced daily, over a reasonable period. 

The Carolyle Destiny Group

https://TheCarolyLedestinyGroup.now.site

https://thecarolyledestinygroup.one/my_new_book

The Purpose Driven Life

What determines how you spin your time, where you go what you think about, how you conduct your life while occupying space on this earth. It’s knowing your purpose. It’s having that sense of direction knowing that you have a reason for your existence in life. You were not born to work for someone else, you have a destiny to fulfill on this planet. You have a gift to deposit on this earth.  It’s a great feeling to wake up every morning and knowing the direction you must travel in order to realize that dream or conquer that objective that’s having a purpose.  Whatever is driving you to climb those mountains of adversity or rushing every morning out of the house, to fight the hostile traffic, just to work with people that make you feel marginalize, undervalue and underappreciated. My hope is that you are walking in the fulness of your life. Your life has a focus and reason for existing hear on earth.

 The purpose driven person has a sense of direction. Is this you? Having a sense of direction is having a meaningful existence, this reality quenches the fears and anxieties that so many of us experience when we are not walking in that existence, which gives us direction which determines our destination, and this moves us towards our desired destiny. This is having a sense of purpose.   

Purpose don’t have the attitude of life as a frivolous, carefree existence, the ideal of doing whatever you want to do without consequences. There is a focus or direction.  To quote Zig Ziglar “ you don’t want to be a wondering generality, but an aiming specific.”  Everything you do is discipline, focused and have purpose.  You are not throwing darts at a target that doesn’t exist. To quote Thomas Carlyle, “  A person with no purpose will make no progress even on the smoothest road.”  Every time I think, the reason for living or “Purpose”.   People spent 20, 30 years of their lives, hustling and bustling just wondering through life. They don’t have a specific target that they are aiming for, they are wondering generalities. Then they may look back and wonder, what have I done all of my life.

I have a dear friend, Richard that I met through the John Maxwell confidence builders’ program which is an accountability program that will enable you to partner with two like-minded John Maxwell Team (JMT) members to move forward on your goals and dreams, building confidence with action and accountability.  We met every week through zoom and encourage each other to meet those weekly goals previously set.  I benefited greatly by being accountable to another person who will slightly nudge me to meet those goals.

 On our second meeting he told me about his cancer he was fighting. And that the end of life looks certain for him.   Richard, wanted to continue to work, despite his frequent hospital visits.  His body bleeding internally and fighting with the bouts of bodily weakness as the chemo kills off the good and bad blood cells of his body.  He expressed wanting to get his business up and running and returning back to work which was his fulfillment.  Despite all of its short comings.  On the day we were supposed to meet on a zoom conference call. When he didn’t show up on zoom, my mind was racing, and I thought the worse.  I sent him an email immediately waiting for his reply. He returned my email, explaining that he was in the hospital and just got out of surgery. I told him that my family and I would pray for his full recovery. He wrote back and say “I decided today after learning the expectations of my cancer, to retire from his Government job right away and therefore have more time to devote to the JMT and my family.”  I wrote back in a return email, “I feel that family is more important. Talk with you soon.”  Richard found his purpose late in life that was sharing and teaching others the John Maxwell method of Leadership as he continues to work at his Government job, as he frequently complained about the conditions, workers, the mislead politicians while fighting his disease. I hope to talk with Richard, soon.

When I think about this topic of purpose, a song made famous by Diana Ross in the theme of Mahogany.  I think about the song she sings.  Diana Ross depicts the character Tracy Chambers, who reached the famous heights in the fashion industry, but it was met with a marred existence and tragedy. She sings the lyrics “Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing’ you? Where are you going to? Do you know?

Do you get what you’re hoping’ for, when you look behind you, there’s no open doors
What are you hoping’ for?  Do you know?” Don’t get at the end of life, to finally live your purpose in life.

 Examine your life, are you living in your true existence? Think about the following thoughts.

1. Take an assessment of your life, think back on at that one dream as a child or teenager that made an impact in your life.  Revisit that place. Sometimes our childhood dreams and visions are the beginnings path of our purpose towards fulfillment in this existence.

2. What motivates your life, will get you up going without being nudged. What brings you joy, because they said what brings you joy motivates your life and what motivates your life brings meaning to your life what brings meaning to your life drives your life, and what drives it controls it and what controls your life is your purpose in life.

3. Surround yourself around people who are examples of the life that you want to live. Those that have a sense of direction, visionaries about life. Surround yourself with those folks!

Thrive in Life with purpose!

Dr. D

Website://thecarolyledestinygroup.now.site

Blog:// dcdardentalks.com

My Story Behind Personal Growth/Development

                                        

Day and night, I saw the harms of drugs and gang violence. We could see the anguish on my mother’s face every day. Eventually, she succumbed to depression. We never could understand why we were staying at my grandmother’s house so much. In my book “The Enemy in the Bush”, there’s a picture of us sad-faced kids at my grandmother’s house. We had no idea what was going on in our mother’s life. But as we grew older, we did.

Mom always wanted to be a teacher when she migrated to the North. I remember her telling me when I was a child. But the reality of life stole her dreams, goals, and aspirations and she never realized her true potential. Instead, she became the head of the house, separated from my father, who was fighting his demon of alcoholism. My mother raised a total of 10 kids. When I reached the age of 11, my three older brothers moved out of the house. Seven of us, ranging from 4 through 11, remained at home. Seven children living in a three-bedroom apartment in an impoverished neighborhood. This was my reality.

As a boy, I saw my mother struggle and sacrifice just to put food on the table. Sometimes, I would hear her argue with God about the hardships she faced. Her many prayers went up to heaven to ask God to help us make it through another day. As a child, I had few of the comforts enjoyed by others who lived in the suburbs. We had lots of love, but little in the way of material things. 

My mother died without realizing her dream to be a teacher. She died with her dream still inside of her.  I made her dream a reality by becoming an adjunct professor for 10 years. Despite lacking the resources, we needed to meet our basic needs of her family, we survived. But my mother never realized her true potential and purpose in this life. I often wondered when I was older why my mother hadn’t pursued her dream. Perhaps fear and self-doubt held her back. I remember how my siblings and I made a pact never to follow our mother’s path. When I questioned the WHY behind our decision, I knew it boiled down to the struggles, hardships, and pain we saw her go through. Seven of us made this covenant, but only two of us had successful careers and made positive lifestyle changes. My sister Mary became a successful certified social worker/ supervisor working in hospitals and is moving towards private practice. I finished a successful military career as a senior ranking officer and continued as a DoD civilian working complex mission-oriented jobs for our government. I also became an adjunct professor, author, and contributing academic author. Now I’m a certified John Maxwell coach, trainer, and speaker.   

If you examine our lives, we knew where we were and had our eyes on where we wanted to go. We had a definite plan to get there. Living in impoverished conditions gave us the motivation to never lack for anything again. We wanted to be able to sustain ourselves. We were intentional about reaching our goals and never looked back. We were purpose driven. We had a direction, a destiny to reach. When we looked back, we celebrated how much we had grown.

Psychologist Charles Garfield has worked with many successful people including astronauts, world-class athletes, scientists, business leaders, and other high achievers. He believes that the success of any endeavor starts with having a mission. You must have specific goals accompanied by a strong desire. “A dream becomes a goal,” said Garfield. “The goal becomes the achievement.” I repeat this saying often. Achievers reach their dreams by being intentional in their actions, which means working with purpose and making every action count. It’s about focusing on doing the right thing, moment by moment, day by day, and then following through consistently. Successful people aren’t scattered and haphazard. As Zig Ziglar said, be an aiming specific, not a wandering generality.

Never stop improving. Never stop growing yourself. 

How intentional are you? As you proceed through your day, do you have a plan and a purpose for everything you do? Do you know where you’re going and why you’re doing what you’re doing, or simply drifting down the stream of life?

In the theme song from the motion picture Mahogany, Diana Ross brings this message home:

“Do you know where you’re going to?
Do you like the things that life is showin’ you?
Where are you going to?
Do you know?”

             By Dr. D

http://thecarolyledestinygroup.one

FB:@thecarolyledestinygroup
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The Best Time to Make decisions

Decisions often have precarious timing. The time to make decisions is not when you’re climbing up a mountain of problems and situations that you’re faced with. That is what I call disparity or calamity; in these situations, you’re trapped in the valley of darkness. This is not a time to make decisions. Instead, this is the time to dig your heels in and rely on that reserve that’s already stored in you, allowing you to fight the battle that’s right in front of you. Let’s face it: at this point, you’re just craving relief and attempting to bring clarity to the situation. You are trying to get out from under this gorilla or this elephant. In these difficult situations, don’t try to make major changes in the hope of finding comfort. To quote Myles Monroe, “Never make a permanent decision in a temporary problem.”

When the calamity is over and you reach a moment of calm where you can think more clearly, then congratulations—you’ve reached the time to make those decisions. Why? It’s simple:

  1. You can now see the situation more clearly.
  2. You are not under the storm clouds of calamity, fear, and disparity.
  3. You’re now more likely to figure out how to be more successful from adventure to adventure, avoiding the valley of darkness.  

Why enter the valley experience if you can avoid it? On the other hand, if you find yourself in the trenches, the solution is clear: pull out those reserves that rest within you. Show this experience what you’ve got.

I used to run cross country in high school, and just before you reach the halfway point, your body wants to run out of energy. In that moment, those runners that started out quick and didn’t pace themselves either drop back or drop out. I remember telling myself at the point, “Derrick, you are in this race for the long haul.” So, I made up my mind to pull out the reserves and finish at my same pace. If you’re in the midst of life’s struggles and fighting uphill, then do yourself a favor. Pull out the reserves, stay the course, and don’t make huge decisions in the middle of the stream. Finish that uphill battle and reach the top of that mountain.

Avoid making important choices when things aren’t going well. This is the time to truly see what you’re made of in order to reach a point of clarity. Once your vision is clear and the storm clouds have dissipated, you have finally found solid ground. This is the time to make those decisions and changes in your life, business, or team. With patience, you will steadily climb from mountaintop to mountaintop.

Derrick Darden, PhD

thecarolyledestinygroup.one

dcdardentalks.com

Lead by example: to lead change, leaders must change from within

We’ve all heard the phrase: “Lead by example.” In battle, the troops must see the Army Officer in front of them, leading them boldly towards their objective. The leader exemplifies courage, selfless service, and inspires trust in his followers.

Example-setting is the only way a leader will get his followers to buy into his plan. Albert Schweitzer said: “Example isn’t the main thing in leadership – it is the only thing.”

Most people are visual learners, not verbal learners. Good communication makes the vision clear, and good modeling makes it come alive.

A leader must want his followers to model the desired behavior. How do you do that? How, as a leader, do you get your followers to exhibit the you want to see? The answer is simple: be a leader, not a naysayer. Leaders must lead themselves first.

To do this a leader, a manager, supervisor, team leader – whoever aspires to lead – must have self-awareness. They must know their weaknesses and their capabilities before barking out orders. But building awareness about one’s habits of thought, emotions, hopes, and behavior is a task. Leaders must know what makes them tick, their beliefs, their priorities, their aspirations, values and fears (Boaz and Fox, 2014)

Most leaders want status, but not the responsibility. Are they at that level to get more pay and more status, or to get themselves and others to buy into the organization’s mission, vision and goals?

We have a biblical example of this in Kings II Chapters 22 through 23. King Josiah ruled Judea for 31 years. When he was 18 years old, he was in the midst of a restoration project of the temple of God, where a scroll of the book of the law was found by the high priest and was given to the royal secretary to be read to King Josiah. When the king heard the words of the law, he immediately tore his robe. In the Old Testament, this was a sign of repentance, remorse, and despair. Josiah was known as a very righteous king, yet through the word of God, he repented and became aware of his own sins towards God. Here you see how the king Josiah (leader) made a change within himself (self-awareness). His internal reform brought about the internal reform of his people, which led to the restoration of God‘s covenant throughout Judea.

How inner awareness affects the leader’s outer change

People do as they see, so the leaders’ actions speak louder than words. As mentioned previously, the example isn’t the main thing – it is the only thing. Organizations that want to implement new strategies create new policies and procedures. But the new processes will fall short if the leader does not exemplify the desired change. In their research, Boaz and Fox indicate that new strategies often fall short because of a failure to inspire the “underlying mindsets and capabilities of the people who will execute [them].”

Research indicates that if the leader doesn’t role model change and maintains the status quo, the people on the ground will maintain that same motivation. (Boaz and Fox, 2014). In my Biblical example, the people saw their King change from within. All of his actions illuminated his internal change, and this motivated the people to also change and move toward transformation.

Learning to lead means cultivating awareness of self. You must be aware of your inner thoughts, character and the values that you hold firm to, regardless of the situation. Self-awareness requires you to know what makes you tick – your inner desires, your strengths and weaknesses, the interests you had as a child, and what motivates and inspires you as an adult. But in this day and age, having inner awareness of one’s self is not easy. Many voices out there harbor confusion, deception, fear, but a few voices have vision and purpose. Nevertheless, to lead others, one must lead one’s own self.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” ―Aristotle

If you model the behavior you want everyone in your organization to exhibit, then change will happen without resistance. In a research study, seasoned executives with 15 or more years of experience were asked to name the critical leadership competency for successful change efforts. The answers were communication, collaboration, and commitment.


In the area of communication, the leaders explained that followers must know the “what” and the “why” of the change and understand how these align with the organization’s values. In the area of collaboration, successful leaders encourage people to work together across boundaries with other teams or departments to achieve a common goal. In the area of commitment, leaders aligned their own beliefs and behaviors to support change.

The successful leaders also had to step out of their comfort zone and not appear to be resistant or inflexible. The successful leaders embraced change by devoting time and effort to it. Those who were resistant to and negative about change were unsuccessful in implementing change in their organizations (Center for Creative Leadership, 2020).
The bottom line is that people model the behavior of their leaders. Followers (employees, team) will do what they see their leader do. General Colin Powell said it best: “You can issue all the memos and give all the motivational speeches you want, but if the rest of the people in your organization don’t see you putting forth your very best effort every single day, they won’t either.” Be an example of the change you want to see.


Derrick Darden, Ph.D. (Entrepreneur Apex)

Partner Entrepreneur Coach

Blogsites: dcdardentalks.com & tripledfoundation.com