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Habits can contribute to your success or misery

Why aren’t people successful in life? I can tell you it’s because of habitual habits that diminish their probability of sustainable success. “Depending on what they are, our habits will either make us or break us. We become what we repeatedly do.” ―Sean Covey

The dictionary points out that a habit is a routine of behavior; it’s a fixed way of thinking more or less about something. So if I have a habit of running every morning, exercising, and eating healthy meals every day to keep my body and mind healthy and sharp, then those are good habits. On the other hand, if I smoke cigarettes or vape everyday, which causes harm and many diseases to my body and diminishes my health, then smoking is a bad habit.

I have a saying that “it’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not that holds you back.” We have total control over our destiny, yet don’t pursue it. The start of a habit is what you digest in your mind every minute of the day. Those thoughts, dreams, or visions become part of your subconscious that forms these habits. “We become what we think about” day in and day out. Your mind is the sum total of the habits and thoughts that get into your subconscious. Those thoughts are put into actions, and those actions became habits. Sounds simple, yet why aren’t people successful in life?

John Dryden says, “We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.”

“If you don’t like the results you see every day, then change it. Your habits will determine your future.” – Jack Canfield

So, if you like where you are going, then stay on the path. If not, then change your direction. I have three suggestions.

  1. Read books that will inspire you, that will motivate you, and that will give you purpose. For example, read the Bible (chapters in Proverbs and/or the book Psalm). Read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and/or The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell. Digest these materials day and night. We must be intentional about pouring into your subconscious the pure, the powerful, and the purposeful. Lastly, listen to successful people and study how they form successful habits.
  • Surround yourself with successful people. There’s a saying, “You are the average of the five people you associate with.” If you hang around highly motivated and successful people, then it will rub off on you. “Remember, your association determines your destination.” – Myles Monroe.
  • If you are unable to change your habits, then join a men’s or women’s group that not only uplift you but will hold you accountable.

Success comes with deliberate actions and behaviors. These actions and behaviors form habits and routines. When we fail, many times it’s easy to lose confidence within ourselves. You must visualize and believe that you can change bad habits into good habits. Remember, success comes with deliberate actions. Derrick Darden, PhD

Please write a comment, if article is helpful. I will write more to help others get through the hurdles of life.

http//dcdardentalks.com & http://tripledfoundation.com

Start the New Year by Adding Value to Yourself

                           Start the New Year by Adding Value to Yourself

Why can’t people see potential in themselves? Why can’t people believe in themselves? Why don’t people add value to their life on a consistent basis?

The main problem is that people don’t see value in themselves. Therefore, they don’t add value to themselves. People will never go beyond their belief system in themselves. No matter what you may think you are capable of doing, if you don’t invest in your growth, you will not go beyond those limiting beliefs. Another way of looking at this is in the area of self-image. On a scale 1-10, if your self-image is three, you will never raise above two.  

In his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell explains in “The Law of the Lid in order to be effective in leadership, you must raise above the lid – those limiting beliefs to be effective.” 

With my own story, I should’ve been a negative statistic—a black kid in the ghetto. Born one of ten children in the great city of Newark, N.J., I lived in abject poverty and was raised by a single parent who worked multiple jobs to keep her family afloat. Statistics said I should’ve been in jail, on drugs, or dead, but I’m not because one day I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and asked myself, am I’m worth it?  You’re damn right, I am! That self-talk did me good, and my life changed.  I became the first in my family to graduate college with a Ph.D. and the first to finish a career in the military and retire honorably.  Now, I’m a senior Department of Defense civilian in the areas of logistics, acquisition, and contracting along with my entrepreneurial ventures—speaking coaching, and training. All of this didn’t happen overnight. It happened because I believed in me and in my self-worth. Wayne Dyer says it best, “Self-worth comes from one thing- thinking that you are worthy.”   

I needed to change my direction. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.” I took an assessment of myself and saw a few areas of weakness. I wanted to change my direction and destiny.  Like John Maxwell said, “Tomorrow’s destiny becomes today’s direction.” I did what it took to succeed – increased my learning power by taking classes. I got around the right crowd of people. I fed my mind with pure and powerful thoughts along with reading those books that outline the destiny I wanted.  How did I change my direction?

  1. Change my thinking towards my self-worth. I reprogrammed my thoughts towards pure and powerful thoughts, and I guarded what I read and listened to. One of my favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 23:7, “As a man think in his heart so is he.” In James Allen’s famous book  “ As a Man Thinketh, he says, “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and that which it fears. It reaches the height of its cherished aspirations. It falls to the level of its uncharted desires- and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.”  You are the master of your thoughts. You are the planter of the seeds you have sown in your mind, and you are the harvester of the fruits your mind will reap.
  2. Stop comparing myself to others. This is your journey and no one else. When this became a reality to me, I didn’t have to be like Johnnie, Billy, or anyone else. I had to be myself, which took a lot of weight off of me. “Your life is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life,” Steve Jobs once said.
  3. Go beyond my limiting beliefs. The Bible verse in Romans 8:37 says, “But in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who love us.”  God doesn’t see us as defeated. Why should we see ourselves as defeated? Get rid of the negative thoughts and fill your mind with pure and powerful ones.
  4. Add value to others as you are adding value to yourself. If you want to lift your spirits, make a difference in someone else’s life.  John Maxwell said, “It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something good for someone else.”
  5. Practice consistently and persistently small disciplines in your life on a daily basis. If your life is overwhelming with health, work, family, or something not mentioned, try tackling those overwhelming circumstances a little at a time daily. How do you get rid of the elephant in the room? A little at a time. Be consistent in your efforts. Be determined, motivated, and focused. Be disciplined.

 If you want to change your life, you must take control of your life and make positive changes. Yes, I was born in the ghetto, but it wasn’t born in me. I changed my thought patterns daily. Now, I am successful in everything I do. You can do this, too.

So, in 2020 take a look in a mirror, see value in yourself, add value to yourself, and then add value to others. I am a true believer that whatever you sow into others you will reap.  If you want value and self-worth to become your reality, invest in someone else’s life the same way.

Derrick Darden, PhD

visit my two sites: dcdardentalks.com & tripledfoundation.com for more articles

HOPE

Job satisfaction (everyone’s responsible) | D. Darden

Job satisfaction (everyone’s responsible) | D. Darden
— Read on tripledfoundation.com/2019/11/22/job-satisfaction-everyones-responsible/

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Goal mindset versus growth mindset

I set a lot of goals for my life. Many of them I have hit the bull’s eye. Others I have fell short of the objective, and we have certain milestones or targets that we need to hit along the way in order to realize the goal. When you hit the target or goal, you feel good or ecstatic.

Earl Nightingale said it the best—that success is the realization of a worthy ideal.

But the problem with goal setting is our tendency not to see what’s next on our journey. Some would say, “Derrick, I have reached the peak of this mountain that I set for myself.” Sadly, many lose the drive, no stamina or no desire, and they stop at that point. It’s like you accomplished a small success, and then you  rest on that small success. You never move forward or beyond.

When you think about a growth conscious person, they continue beyond that goal and take on a different mindset. In fact, they want growth. You will continue growth, and you will hit all your goals when you look back on your journey five or ten years later. 

Man, that is a great feeling to move on to greater heights. You keep climbing the ladder until you reach heaven, and then you can stop. This reminds me of the song from the TV show, The Jeffersons, which is a part of my story, “We’re moving on up to the east side.” I remember in the early days when I was in my 20s. I had just started a family and had a new job, which was 20 miles away from home. I needed transportation, and I didn’t have a lot of money. Neither my mother nor my siblings had the money to lend me to buy a decent vehicle. I saw an ad in the local newspaper that a private owner had a 1970 Plymouth that was once a taxicab for sale. The private owner removed the decals and the taxi cab signs. But it still had the painted colors of the local taxicab company.

 On occasion I would get flagged down on the street by people wanting cab service. Many times I would stop to the anticipating customer and explain that my vehicle was privately owned, and they would have to call the local taxi cab company. Some would get really upset at me. This vehicle was always in the repair shop. Finally, I got tired of folks flagging me down and shoveling out wasted money for a beat-up vehicle, so I brought another used car, a Chevrolet Vega, which had an aluminum engine block. That car lasted a few months. The engine block cracked, and blue smoke traced my path down the local streets. I kept working through my trouble vehicles for three years when I bought a new Caravan off the showroom floor. That was a good feeling. However, I was in the military and serving my country and paying big monthly payments. Suze Orman taught me the lesson to stop using finance companies. But that took growth and hitting goal after goal after goal. During this time, I developed a growth plan for my life and started getting mentors in my life. Each mentor taught me growth principles that helped facilitate growth and maturity in my life. Looking back over my present journey, I see the growth, and the pain of growth. You may say that was great and proud of you. But I just don’t have the energy, knowledge, money, or time to plan for other growth challenges. 

John Maxwell said, “now is the best time to start anything.” Ask yourself, if not now WHEN? Growth is intentional, not accidental.

The real process of growth begins with your thoughts. Those thoughts become words, and the words become actions! James Allen, author of As a Man Thinketh, says, “You cannot travel within and stand still without.” Think about it. All life, except mankind, grows to its full potential. It’s only mankind that circumvents the process. For example, how tall will a tree grow? A tree doesn’t decide to stop growing. It continues growing all its life. 

So, I challenge you not to stop or do away with goal setting but go above and beyond goal setting and latch on to the growth mindset.

I love personal growth and development. And I think you will, too, once you start seeing a difference by applying what I have shared with you in this blog.

Derrick Darden, PhD