Tag: self-managed

Start the New Year by Adding Value to Yourself

                           Start the New Year by Adding Value to Yourself

Why can’t people see potential in themselves? Why can’t people believe in themselves? Why don’t people add value to their life on a consistent basis?

The main problem is that people don’t see value in themselves. Therefore, they don’t add value to themselves. People will never go beyond their belief system in themselves. No matter what you may think you are capable of doing, if you don’t invest in your growth, you will not go beyond those limiting beliefs. Another way of looking at this is in the area of self-image. On a scale 1-10, if your self-image is three, you will never raise above two.  

In his book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, John Maxwell explains in “The Law of the Lid in order to be effective in leadership, you must raise above the lid – those limiting beliefs to be effective.” 

With my own story, I should’ve been a negative statistic—a black kid in the ghetto. Born one of ten children in the great city of Newark, N.J., I lived in abject poverty and was raised by a single parent who worked multiple jobs to keep her family afloat. Statistics said I should’ve been in jail, on drugs, or dead, but I’m not because one day I took a hard look at myself in the mirror and asked myself, am I’m worth it?  You’re damn right, I am! That self-talk did me good, and my life changed.  I became the first in my family to graduate college with a Ph.D. and the first to finish a career in the military and retire honorably.  Now, I’m a senior Department of Defense civilian in the areas of logistics, acquisition, and contracting along with my entrepreneurial ventures—speaking coaching, and training. All of this didn’t happen overnight. It happened because I believed in me and in my self-worth. Wayne Dyer says it best, “Self-worth comes from one thing- thinking that you are worthy.”   

I needed to change my direction. Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.” I took an assessment of myself and saw a few areas of weakness. I wanted to change my direction and destiny.  Like John Maxwell said, “Tomorrow’s destiny becomes today’s direction.” I did what it took to succeed – increased my learning power by taking classes. I got around the right crowd of people. I fed my mind with pure and powerful thoughts along with reading those books that outline the destiny I wanted.  How did I change my direction?

  1. Change my thinking towards my self-worth. I reprogrammed my thoughts towards pure and powerful thoughts, and I guarded what I read and listened to. One of my favorite Bible verse is Proverbs 23:7, “As a man think in his heart so is he.” In James Allen’s famous book  “ As a Man Thinketh, he says, “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors; that which it loves, and that which it fears. It reaches the height of its cherished aspirations. It falls to the level of its uncharted desires- and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.”  You are the master of your thoughts. You are the planter of the seeds you have sown in your mind, and you are the harvester of the fruits your mind will reap.
  2. Stop comparing myself to others. This is your journey and no one else. When this became a reality to me, I didn’t have to be like Johnnie, Billy, or anyone else. I had to be myself, which took a lot of weight off of me. “Your life is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life,” Steve Jobs once said.
  3. Go beyond my limiting beliefs. The Bible verse in Romans 8:37 says, “But in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who love us.”  God doesn’t see us as defeated. Why should we see ourselves as defeated? Get rid of the negative thoughts and fill your mind with pure and powerful ones.
  4. Add value to others as you are adding value to yourself. If you want to lift your spirits, make a difference in someone else’s life.  John Maxwell said, “It’s hard to feel bad about yourself when you’re doing something good for someone else.”
  5. Practice consistently and persistently small disciplines in your life on a daily basis. If your life is overwhelming with health, work, family, or something not mentioned, try tackling those overwhelming circumstances a little at a time daily. How do you get rid of the elephant in the room? A little at a time. Be consistent in your efforts. Be determined, motivated, and focused. Be disciplined.

 If you want to change your life, you must take control of your life and make positive changes. Yes, I was born in the ghetto, but it wasn’t born in me. I changed my thought patterns daily. Now, I am successful in everything I do. You can do this, too.

So, in 2020 take a look in a mirror, see value in yourself, add value to yourself, and then add value to others. I am a true believer that whatever you sow into others you will reap.  If you want value and self-worth to become your reality, invest in someone else’s life the same way.

Derrick Darden, PhD

visit my two sites: dcdardentalks.com & tripledfoundation.com for more articles

A Self Sustaining Life

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

This phrase from the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu has been around for hundreds of years, and embodies a universal truth and teachable principles that is held today.

I was brought up on the second part of this phrase – that by teaching a man how to fish, he’ll be able to feed himself for a lifetime. That’s just my paraphrasing of it, the meaning is powerful. The essence of this phrase sums it up like this – be self-sustaining, be self-disciplined, and be self-managed – these three maxims revolutionized my life.  Instead of always depending on others, you should learn and employ the skills you need to meet all of your needs.

One should know the skills one needs to become independent and self-sufficient.

First, a self-sustaining person, you need little help or assistance to reach your personal targets. You can meet your own needs and decide the pathway you need to take to reach the next level. When learning a new skill for example or a new language,  decide on a target you want to hit. Decide on the next level, this is self-directing your future. You are in charge.

Today, many rely on our government to survive and meet their needs for food, water and shelter. Most obtain their daily fish themselves; however, others take advantage of public programs for their own selfish gain. Becoming dependent on others for aid or support for long periods steals away your independence and self-worth.  

My mother raised a large family without my father, not because she didn’t want him to be around, but because my father was an alcoholic and abuser. His dependency was so evident to her that she refused to let him break up a peaceful home, nor allow him to influence his children’s by perpetuating his bad behavior. I once read an old saying: “Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world, because even your shadow leaves you when you’re in darkness.”

My mother would not accept any handouts, because she hated the ideal of dependency. Now all her kids have grown up to be professionals in their perspective fields, and their hard-working ethic can be attributed to our mother. My mother taught us the art of fishing, so we could all be self-sustaining and self-sufficient throughout our lives. Sometimes all you need is to trust your own ability and strengths.

Secondly, self-discipline means your mind and body motivate your spirit to move towards the results you want to realize, free from the constraints of conformity and tradition. This can bring about a shift in your long-term circumstances. A self-disciplined life moves you towards your destiny. You make choices that line up with your goals – even down to what you wear, who you hang out with, and what foods you eat.

Third, a self-managed life boils down to this: you are taking full control over your talents and abilities and moving towards your true purpose in this life. You have a special destiny and purpose that requires self-sustaining abilities and self-discipline to reach. Self-management involves becoming reliable in all aspects of your life and moving towards success, your own set of personal goals.  Every step, every decision, every action moves you towards your ideal self.   Earl Nightingale said it best: “Success is the realization of a worthy ideal.” For example, if you desire to become a teacher, learn everything you need to know about that profession. Get up every morning to study for certifications, read books on the subject, get a mentor. Discipline your life daily, manage your life consistently, and soon you’ll realize that you’ve arrived.

Thomas Edison, the great inventor and innovator of the 20th century, embodied these principles when he invented the incandescent lamp. It took him over 10,000 tries with different materials to come up with a filament that could last for many hours. Thank God that Edison had the self-discipline to continue his pursuit of a long-lasting light bulb – if he hadn’t, we all might still be sitting in the dark, and reading by candlelight.

So learn the art of fishing. Become self-sustaining, forge your own path, and move towards your destiny. 
 Visit: http://tripledfoundation.com ; http://entrepreneurapex.com