Author: The Carolyle Destiny Group

Greetings, I am pleased to introduce you to my blog site, which aims to provide a comprehensive research perspective focused on essential workplace topics such as personal development, team building, management and leadership, diversity, and much more. These topics are vital in driving organizational success in the public and private sectors. Organizational Behavior (OB) is the field of study that examines human behavior in corporate settings, exploring the interface between human behavior and the organization. My blog draws insights from this discipline to help today's organizations navigate the increasingly complex nature of the modern workplace. With over 40 years of experience serving as a Gulf War Veteran and Senior Army Warrant Officer in logistics and a retired Department of the Army civilian, human have witnessed firsthand how human behavior is ever-changing, sometimes by the minute. Furthermore, embracing diversity can profoundly impact an organization, leading to greater creativity, efficiency, effectiveness, and productivity. Ultimately, these factors contribute to the happiness of stakeholders - the American people. In the 21st century, organizations must find ways to harness the creativity of their diverse workforces to remain competitive. This involves generating ideas, enhancing social skills, and appreciating other cultures and traditions. Organizations that invest in their employees and practice diversity will benefit from the most significant workforce in the world: the American Worker. Join me as we explore the fascinating world of OB together and discover valuable insights that can help you advance your career and achieve long-term success in the workplace.

How do you lead the toughest person in the room?

At every leadership webinar, I ask this one question: Who is the toughest person in the room to lead? Then, after everyone points to everyone else, I spring the correct answer on them and say, “You.”  

You are the toughest person to lead in this room! Friends, the person I have the most difficult time leading is myself. This is a full-time job. I have to motivate myself. I have to discipline myself. I must protect my integrity. The list is endless.

Why is it this way? According to John Maxwell, there are two reasons:

(1) We don’t see ourselves as we see others.

(2) We are harder on others than we are on ourselves.

Human nature equips us with the ability to size up everyone in the world except ourselves. It is remarkable how most people lack self-awareness. When talking with managers, supervisors, or even team leaders, they willfully share details about their subordinates, behaviors, experienced conflicts, and sometimes plain gossip. They always have the magic bullet for how to fix them and what they need help with; however, they lack a realistic perspective of who they are. They lacked basic self-awareness of their own limiting beliefs and self-induced idiosyncrasies. To quote Psychology Today, “People judge others to avoid reckoning with potential feelings of inferiority and shame.”

John Maxwell says, “We tend to judge others according to their actions. It’s very cut and dried.”

However, we judge ourselves by our intentions. Therefore, even when we visibly fall short of our team or organizational goals and/or mission, and it was clearly a lack of leadership or judgment, we tend to let ourselves off the hook because our motives were good.

So how do you lead yourself well? A great question. Here are a few action steps. 

(1) Develop self-discipline.

One day, Frederick the Great of Prussia was walking on the outskirts of Berlin when he encountered a very old man walking ramrod straight in the opposite direction. “Who are you?” Frederick asked his subject. “I am a king,” replied the old man.

“A king!” laughed Frederick. “Over what kingdom do you reign?”

“Over myself,” was the proud old man’s reply.

Discipline is simply giving ourselves a command and following it through. Self-discipline is the highest form of leadership. You are the captain of your ship, the master of your own soul. Leading yourself is a challenge, and one of the places where your character shows up is how you lead yourself. Honestly, there are days when I just want to take a break from keeping myself under control. The problem is it is not wise to take any day off.

This leads me to the second action you can take to lead yourself well.

(2) Seek accountability. Personal and professional accountability is imperative because we all have a human nature that will lead us astray.

It was once said, “People who lead themselves well know a secret: they can’t trust themselves.” The problem comes when you selfishly think you are untouchable and learn how quickly poor choices can touch you. Unfortunately, we see this behavior now in our society; people just don’t want to take responsibility or accountability.

As a young leader in the military, from time to time, my peers and I would get emails sent out by our commander for mandatory training “immediately.”  Well, your whole day is interrupted. I would say, “What happened now?” Later, as all my peers would learn, another one of the men or women we worked with had to be removed from their leadership duties because they failed to lead themselves and others. They resulted in hurting others as well as themselves. 

(3) Do you have an accountability partner or peer group? Empowering others to keep you accountable keeps you in line.  

I know for myself that just being aware of an upcoming session with my group allowed me to avoid acting upon poor decisions. At each session, we had a list of agreed-upon questions that gave others permission to ask. Only you know if those answers to the questions were true or not. Taking responsibility for our own actions was paramount to our success.

We are responsible for others’ actions as well as our own. Leading people is earned, not a given right!

(4) Lastly, Be Patient—with yourself.

Thomas Watson said it so aptly: “Nothing so conclusively proves a man’s ability to lead others as what he does from day to day to lead himself.” People who cut corners are often categorized as impatient and lacking in self-discipline. However, if you follow through, you can achieve a breakthrough.

If you want to gain influence with people, solve problems. How you act or fail to act in those moments reveals to others just what our leadership competencies are.

Facing a personal failure. Taking a stand on an issue. Experiencing suffering or making an unpleasant choice—all these and more, when handled rightly, will either catapult us forward or eliminate our effectiveness. 

So, when asked, “How do you lead the toughest person in the room?”  You will have no problem answering that question.

Dr. D

(The Carolyle Destiny Group)

Celebrating our new monthly Personal Development Newsletter

Do you want to stop living with shattered dreams or take that fragmented life to the next level? Are there discrepancies between what you desire in your heart and what you are doing with your life?
When was the last time you assessed your goals and values? Can’t remember? Then how do you know if you’re living up to your potential? Personal development is a lifelong pursuit to better yourself through new experiences, education, and more. I’m launching a monthly newsletter to help you find fulfillment and satisfaction in all aspects of your life—if you’re ready to grow, opt in today!
https://carolyledestiny.leadingthebest.com/EEPD0001
Thank you

The Carolyle Destiny Group
https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup

Work-Life Balance Is Obsolete

An exciting article from Your Workplace, welcome your comments

For years, Your Workplace has touted the importance of work-life balance. We even made it part of our corporate values statement. If balancing work on the one hand with life on the other was a cause to uphold, then I was the champion in our workplace — and one of its biggest proponents beyond our walls as well.

But like all movements toward change, we usually have to endorse an extreme version of it first, ensuring momentum is created to make that change occur. Eventually, the extreme version gives way to a more moderate stance and ultimately settles somewhere in the middle. And a movement away from the concept of work-life balance is no exception.

If it is better for you to attend a parent’s appointment at 1pm and finish a report at 6am, then do it.

The notion that we each have two separate lives — one work and one life — requiring different treatment is unreasonable. The long-held notion of ensuring your personal life does not suffer at the expense of your work responsibilities, by compartmentalizing each to ensure carefully walking the fine line between the two, is obsolete. In order to find the right balance, the proper amount of time must be given to allow things to settle to a more “natural” stage. By pitting work against life there is an implication that work is the negative experience and life is the positive one. Why should work be perceived as negative? We spend the bulk of our waking hours at work, earning a living to support ourselves and our family. The experience should be enriching, and if not that, at least a reality within our lives.

We have to let go of the unachievable idea of work-life balance and start looking at things with a more individualistic lens. We are singular whole people, and every effort or action we take should be rooted in approaching each other holistically.

Whether you are grocery shopping, preparing a presentation, chairing a meeting, taking an elderly parent to an appointment, dealing with being short-staffed, going for a brisk walk at lunch or cheering on your child’s soccer game, it should be understood that it all makes up the threads of the tapestry of our very existence.

Isolating work from life is not only impossible but it places enormous strain, anxiety and tension on an unachievable goal.

Life is fluid and organic. We no longer have to compartmentalize the difference aspects of our selves. We no longer have to balance one against the other. We can have it all. Breaking down time to do work between 8am to 4pm, dinner from 5pm to 6pm, kids homework (or sport) from 6pm to 8pm or whatever your formula is, needs to stop. If it works for you, fine. But if it is better for you to attend a parent’s appointment at 1pm and finish a report at 6am, then do it. We are responsible adults after all.

Think about what is important to you. Make a list and prioritize.

The needs of individuals are constantly shifting. Allowing the whole person to show up at work (and at home) requires an investment in understanding mental, emotional, spiritual and physical well-being.

Who you are is who you are everywhere. No matter where you go, there you are, so it’s important to integrate work and life together rather than separating the different aspects of self in order to fit some pre-determined label of how work and life are supposed to exist.

credit to: VERA ASANIN

The Carolyle Destiny Group
https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup
#growthmindset #growthanddevelopment #personalgrowthanddevelopment #leadershipdevelopment #leadership #thecarolyledestinygroup

Hard work builds character

If you have ever known someone to be a hard worker or one who gets the job done, this person stands out from the crowd. They are held in high esteem. Unfortunately, our society doesn’t foster nor encourage diligence or hard work, just doing the minimum to get by is the mantra.

We were designed to cultivate, subdue and work diligently in our life pursuits. I wrote in my book “The Enemy in the Bush” that in the second chapter of the book of Genesis, God created man as a cultivator of the land, to work the land. There is nothing magical about that; everyone knows that gardening takes work to grow plants. I like to say mankind was designed to work, not lounge around eating fruit and figs all day. Mankind, including women, was designed to put their hands to the plow and have dominion or subdue the land and all of God’s creation.

When we pursue a dream or goal, wishing upon a star will not make it happen—you must put your hands on the plow, subdue it, and tend to it daily until it yields. Or realize its true potential of what it was designed to do. I believe that every one of us was designed to do remarkable things, and it only comes through diligent hard work.

The dictionary says that hard work is an action word that implies exerting energy, experiencing fatigue, and sometimes pain. The Oxford dictionary defines hard work as “a great deal of effort or endurance.” 

In everyday life, the application of hard work must be a part of the equation to realize our dreams or obtain our goals. Success in any endeavor is achieved only through persistence and sacrifice. Anything of significance always comes through dedication, discipline, and hard work. My saying is, “Everything nice comes with a price.” John Maxwell says, “Everything worthwhile is uphill.” The late great Kobe Bryant said, “Great things come from hard work and perseverance. No excuses.”  

As a boy raised by a single mother, she was my first role model of what it meant to be labeled a “hard worker.” We saw our mother struggle to keep food on the table for myself and my four sisters and five brothers; I was the middle kid. Despite the added hardships and setbacks, we saw our mother go through, she remained strong, determined, and hopeful that a brighter day would come for her children.     

As a young boy, my work ethic and mindset developed. Later, I realized that hard work could be divided into three building blocks: dedication, discipline, and determination. Dedicated and committed to getting the work done, discipline on staying the course without being deterred, and determined never to give in.

Without these foundational blocks at my core, I believe I would not have achieved my life goals.

I would have not achieved the success that I had in the military. As I wrote in my book, “The Enemy in the Bush,” without these building blocks, the enemy of complacency and mediocrity would have succeeded in destroying my set goals for the military, just as I saw so many of my comrades who didn’t want to exceed above and beyond what was required.

 The benefit of hard work is building a solid character. Whatever endeavor you undergo, know that it’s not come into its fullness with consistent effort. It will take the three building blocks of dedication, discipline, and determination. Giving up easily is not in your DNA. This is character. You’re an optimist. Having a strong character doesn’t come overnight; think of it as building strong muscles; it consists of effort, focus, and Hard Work. 

Character traits of a hard worker are diligence, resilience, and focus. When problems arise, the diligence and self-motivation spirit commit to completing the job or task. People love to be around hard workers because their character always shines through.  

Colonel Sanders, the entrepreneur, and inventor of Kentucky fried chicken pursued his dream at an age when people say they can’t, which is at the age of 65. He tirelessly worked many hours to get his tasty fried chicken into the mouths of many. His tireless effort paid off later in life. In his autobiography, he recalled those days as “back cracking work.”  However long it took, he stayed the course, and his dedication, discipline, and determination paid off. Now, Kentucky Fried Chicken is a household name.

Former White Sox and Blues Jays MLB player Samuel Ewing once said, “Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don’t turn up at all.”

Let me know your definition of hard work and its benefits in your life.

Dr. D

The Carolyle Destiny Group

https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup

Purchase my new book ” The Enemy In The Bush; Five Life Principles for Navigating the Landmines of Fear, Personal Roadblocks and Perceived Mental Limitations ” https://www.westbowpress.com/en/bookstore/bookdetails/814250-the-enemy-in-the-bush

The Importance of Attitude

Attitude is a game-changer.    John Maxwell says your attitude “determines whether you will advance to the next level or stay at your current one.”     In my book “The Enemy in the Bush”, I say that your attitude determines your behavior, direction, and ability to successfully navigate any situation.

For example, let’s say you have two people seeking the same job. They qualify equally across the board in terms of experience, education, background, etc. However, one has a great attitude and one has a bad attitude. Whom will you hire? The one with the great attitude, of course. Why? Attitude. It was the difference-maker.

The fundamental question is, what is attitude?  We hear so much about this word, yet many don’t know its essence and how its manifests in our lives.

1. a manner of one’s conduct towards a situation or a person.

At´ti`tude n.:

2. the disposition that one takes when confronted with problems or stressful situations.

3. the way you think and the way your thinking does not corrupt your normal disposition.

 4. the way a person thinks or perceives the world.

Attitude is critical when we’re confronted with problems or stressful situations, changes in our lives, or fears that confront us. Our attitude determines what behavior will we present to others and how we will navigate a situation. We can tap into an inner strength we may not have known existed but that can empower us to exceed our surface abilities. In psychology, it’s said that one’s attitude exposes one’s mental and emotional character. It represents what a person holds on to or values. Even more, our attitude influences the actions we take and the results we see in our daily lives. Your attitude is POWERFUL. You can determine your destiny by having the right attitude. 

The bottom line is that your attitude gives you access to a higher power that empowers you with the ability to create and achieve anything you want in life. Even when everything in my life temporarily appears to be going against me, I can cause the results to be in my best interest. I can endure the storm if I maintain my composure and focus and don’t lose sight of my purpose in life. I don’t curse others or my lot in life. I say that this storm will pass, and I will rise above it.  On my desk, I have framed a famous quote by Zig Ziglar: “Your attitude determines your altitude.”

The key to having a good attitude is the willingness to change. Our attitude is the primary focus that determines whether we will succeed or fail. This applies in every area of life.

So, how do you get the right attitude?

 1. First, evaluate your present attitude. What bad attitudes are keeping you from being a fulfilled person?

2. Use your faith, not your fears. The only guarantee of success in difficult or discouraging situations is faith. Personally, just that word alone conjures up a lot of examples from my life and calls me to write another article on them alone. Napoleon Hill, said: “Faith is the only known antidote to failure.” So, feed your faith and starve your fears.

3. Feed yourself pure, powerful, and purposeful affirmations. Whether it’s biblical scripture or positive sayings, build your belief system using affirmations. I guarantee that in 30 days you will see a difference. My sayings are: “I can do this”, “I can overcome this ___in my life ”, “I am confident that ____ ”,  and “Anything is possible.” 

4. Change your thinking

Earl Nightingale says the greatest secret is that most people don’t think. The way we think about things determines our happiness, which in turn determines our attitudes. An African elephant is one of the largest animals on earth. Its strength and massive size can crush anything in its path, with the exception of a lion. The lion is smaller than an elephant and not as intelligent. However, the lion is the king of the jungle, and when the elephant sees the lion, fear permeates its mind. Why does this massive animal fear the lion? It boils down to attitude. Because it knows the lion sees the elephant as a meal. In human terms, “You are what you think about.”

5. Develop good habits

Attitude is nothing more than our thought habits. Habits are what we do constantly, good or bad. We are what we think about! For years, I’ve said: “It’s not what you are that holds you back; it’s what you think you are not that holds you back.” So, everything revolves around your thinking. Your thinking determines your habits, and your habits determine your attitude. So, try this:  

a. list any bad habits you want to get rid of

b. list the causes of these bad habits

c. list what you think supports these bad habits

d. list positive replacements for these habits

e. list the benefits of these replacements

f. Take action! Reinforce them!

Remember, your attitude determines your altitude. I look forward to hearing about your success!

What are your thoughts?

Dr.D

The Carolyle Destiny Group
https://linktr.ee/TheCarolyleDestinyGroup
#growthmindset #growthanddevelopment #personalgrowthanddevelopment #leadershipdevelopment #leadership #thecarolyledestinygroup